My soul longs for your salvation;
    I hope in your word.
My eyes long for your promise;
    I ask, “When will you comfort me?”
For I have become like a wineskin in the smoke,
    yet I have not forgotten your statutes.
How long must your servant endure?^[a]
    When will you judge those who persecute me?
The insolent have dug pitfalls for me;
    they do not live according to your law.
All your commandments are sure;
    they persecute me with falsehood; help me!
They have almost made an end of me on earth,
    but I have not forsaken your precepts.
In your steadfast love give me life,
    that I may keep the testimonies of your mouth.

Psalm 119:81-88

When suffering comes it is easy to lose sight of God. His timing often seems slow and His promises (though they are surely coming) seem far off. Meanwhile, our enemies continue to barrage us with blow after blow, making us cry out to God, “How long must your servant endure? When will you judge those who persecute me?”

It is in those darkest times that we forget that God is not only in the business of saving. He is also in the business of sanctifying. He does not just write the ending, changing us from unholy to holy. He also develops us into the heroes and heroines He wants us to be. Most people only focus on the last two or three dominos that fall at the end of a story so that they can understand if the story’s main conflict is decided for or against the protagonist. But God does not want to only create the three final causal changes within us. He desires to create systemic, or emergent, changes within us as well.

In His sovereignty, God orchestrates our life story so that a chain reaction of events, choices, and circumstances push us out of our normal world and into an adventure that contrasts God’s principles, promises, and precepts against the razor edges of life. This creates an emergent change within the whole system of ourselves. It does not change only one part of us. It changes multiple parts simultaneously until we reach a climactic moment where the deepest questions about ourselves are answered within the character of God:

Am I lovable, despite my trauma?

Can I let go of that addiction to porn?

Can I overcome my pride and be selfless?

Can I ignore those temptations at work and be faithful to my spouse? And if not, can I work diligently to restore my marriage?

In other words, it is not enough for God to just open the Red Sea and save us. To become His holy people we must walk through the wilderness too.

So, we keep moving forward.

Not because our willpower is stronger nor because our wisdom is brighter nor even because our therapy is better. Rather, we continue pressing onward because the God-ordained result of all our struggles is that “when he appears we shall be like him.” (1 John 3:2). This is the promise that we have been given and that God will see to the end: That “he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Php. 1:6) This is the emergent result of all of our experiences, all of our choices, and all of God’s sovereign will being exercised throughout our lives. Until then, even in the darkest moments of life, we continue to pray, “In your steadfast love give me life, that I may keep the testimonies of your mouth.”