Say Again?

/ mhowellw / 1 Comment

 

 

wp-1451862879467.jpeg

I don’t know if you’re like me or not, but sometimes when I read the Bible I skim across the words. At other times, I have to back up my eyes and make sure I read that right while a brief inner dialogue ensues.

“Moses approached the thick darkness where God was”?

Ummmm. Say again? God was…where?

In the darkness.

Ok. Wait…just, stop. That can’t be right.

Why not?

Well, um…BECAUSE!

Oh, that’s brilliant.

No. I mean, God is a god of light. He came to shine light in the darkness. He is the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He even encourages us to shine our light in the darkness to be more like Him.

So?

Sooooo, what’s He doing in the darkness?

The thick darkness.

The what?

The thick darkness. The verse says God was in the thick darkness.

No, it doesn’t.

Yes. It does. Go back and read it again.

…Well, I’ll be….

WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!

Ahem. Sorry. Well, what the…I mean, how in the … Ummm, what’s God doing in the thick darkness? That just makes no sense.

Sure it does. You remember Psalm 139, don’t you?

The one about being fearfully and wonderfully made?

Yes, but not that part. Above that. Go read that real quick.

Ok. Hold on …. “Where shall I go from your Spirit?
    Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light with you.”

You get it now?

Um, I think so. But let’s just say I need to talk this one out loud.

(Geez, you’re dense)

HEY! I can still hear you, you know!

Oh. Sorry. Look, it’s all there, especially in verse 11 and 12. Read those again.

“11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light with you.” …Yeah. So?

Sooo, God is a God of the light AND the darkness. In fact, if you look closely, you’ll see that darkness is not dark to God….

OH! I see it! And the darkness is as light when I am with God! HE is the God of my good AND my bad. He is the light no matter where He is, even when the darkness covers me and my life is full of nothing but night!

So, where is God?

In the thick darkness. He is there if I lose my job, or my family, or go bankrupt, or am despised by everyone. No matter how dark it gets, God is there.

That’s right. And you know what’s really cool about this verse?

What’s that?

God was waiting for Moses in the thick darkness. Before Moses ever entered, God was already there.

Um. Wait. What?…Can you say that again?

Dear Teenager…

/ mhowellw / 1 Comment

with-great-power-comes-great-responsibility-spider-manYou’ve probably heard it all your life. Your parents say it. Your teachers say it. Heck, even your coaches may say it. You’ve heard it so many times, you’re probably sick of it, and even though you think you know what it means, I’m betting that you don’t.

So, as you transition from adolescence to adulthood, I’m going to give you what no one ever gave me, but everyone expected me to understand. Continue reading →

Fighting Entropy

/ mhowellw / Leave a comment

 

6fe1e4ce5b394a0dca617ea492dea9cf

We did not give in to them for a moment, so that the truth of the gospel might remain with you. (Gal 2:5)

Houses are always going up for sale in my neighborhood, so when I first saw it, I assumed it was just another advertisement. But as I focused, I realized the color was wrong. White background. Big red letters that were empty and stretched at the ends of the s’s.

I stopped, stretched my neck forward and squinted.

Did that say, “Star Wars”? Continue reading →

The Burned Out Therapist

/ mhowellw / Leave a comment

6-ways-to-beat-it-career-burnout

Thanksgiving couldn’t have come at a better time. I still have to go to work on Monday and Tuesday, but after that I have five glorious days of publicly sanctioned absence from work. It’s time for a break. I can feel it.

It has been almost twenty years that I have been in my career as a therapist and over that time I have realized that at least twice a year I get to a point where I begin to feel burned out. The struggles of other people overwhelm me. The frustration of people wanting help but not working in between sessions to change their lives mounts. And self-doubt begins to creep in as I perform my biannual ritual of self-reflection and wonder if there is a better, more systematic way of communicating how to effect change in a person’s life or marriage.

This is one of those times.

There is truth, I know, in the old joke that it only takes one therapist to change a light bulb, but the light bulb has to want to change. But it doesn’t make it any easier when week after week people come in and have the same struggles in the same ways  with the same people, despite us agreeing one to two weeks ago about they need to, and are willing, to do differently. In moments like that, I feel as if the therapist-client relationship looks a lot like this:

But instead of walking away or mentally checking out, I take a deep breath and try to restate the healthy way of living — AGAIN — in a new way. A way that I hope will finally, this time, resonate with the person sitting across from me and motivate them to move towards change.

Sometimes that means I have to get firm; sometimes I give an analogy; sometimes I take an empathetic approach; or if the client is completely recalcitrant, I fire them. (Yes, you can do that as a counselor.) I give them referrals, if they desire it, but I make it clear that I cannot help them any longer and what they will need to do, if they decide to continue counseling with someone else. Fortunately, it doesn’t usually come to that.

That is why I am most thankful this year for…

a break.

I am tired of people coming to me, asking for my guidance, and then not making the conscientious, deliberate effort to change. I don’t think I have all the answers to the problems that walk through my door. That would be arrogant. But I do think that if you have dedicated yourself to taking the time off of work to come to a place where you discuss the darkest areas of your life with a stranger, because you believe that stranger has some professional level of expertise that can help you, then at least do what the professional suggests. And if you don’t know how to implement the suggestions, ask.

It’s okay.

Really.

We won’t think you’re stupid or look down on you because you don’t understand the process. As in your career, there are terms within therapy that come with an underlying set of assumptions, ideas, or behaviors. We therapists understand this subtext automatically (because we’re in the field) but clients often do not. For instance, when we say “communicate,” we do not mean “just sit down and talk to each other nicely.” There is more to it than that. Make sure you understand so you can go practice the skills effectively. And if it is too overwhelming, if it’s too much information to remember to do all at once, tell us. We will tailor it so you can handle it piece by piece.

I can’t speak for all therapists, but as for me, I believe in my clients. I want to treat them like adults. I do not want to play judge/jury between you and your spouse. I understand, even if you don’t,  that you do not need help resolving the weed in your life, but the roots of the weed instead. In other words, I am not here to resolve your situation, but to help you resolve the emotions fueling your behavior/situation.  I am here to help you think about things in a fresh way, but I also trust you to be an adult.

This means:

  1. Although you may prefer a step by step process, therapy will not always work this way. Often, I will present ideas and concepts and trust you as an adult to develop (either on your own or with me) ways to implement this counsel.
  2. Together we can work on resolving your problems. But I cannot drag you across the finish line. In fact, after twenty years of trying to help resistant people, I refuse to play that game any longer. If you want help, be an active participant in the process. Don’t just passively receive information and expect transformation. It doesn’t work that way. It can’t.
  3. You have to daily, diligently apply what you learn, so that new behaviors and new ways of thinking/perceiving can be written into your life. Be intentional about what you are doing.
  4. “Trying” is never enough, for it usually includes one or two efforts that give up after meeting with resistance. Instead, you must courageously and honestly ask yourself if the pain of changing is worse than the pain of staying the same.
  5. Be 100% honest and transparent. You cannot get better if you are hiding an addiction, shameful behavior, or other vital information that you want to deny or excuse. This only wastes time in therapy and keeps you acting like a child trying to avoid punishment. Be an adult. Own your stuff. Then crack it open and explore what lies beneath.

If you can do this on your end, I promise to do this on my end. Then maybe both of us can have something new to be thankful for at this time next year.

From Supernovas to Snails: The Lack of Superfluousness in God

/ mhowellw / Leave a comment

Why did God create?  What is the purpose of breathing out the stars (Psalm 33:6) or shaping the form of man with His hands (Gen. 2:7)?  When one considers the variety of species, people groups, cultures, languages, astronomical phenomena, and the breadth of the universe, it would seem as if God went a little overboard in creation.

Continue reading →

Thoughts on Nehemiah

/ mhowellw / Leave a comment

“The words of Nehemiah son of Hacaliah” (Nehemiah 1:1)

Have you ever noticed that in the Bible there are no last names?  Instead they refer to themselves by the father that they belong to.  This identification set them apart from other people and signified many things about who they were, including social strata and character (“Oh! You’re his kid).  The significance of this truth was never made more clear to me than when my youngest son was playing pee-wee football. For years he had wanted to play this sport, so when he got old enough, we signed him up. At first it was flag football. Then, a year later, it was tackle. That meant he dressed out in full pads for games and practices and belied the image of an athlete, though it was easily apparent he was not one.

This fact did not bother me, though, because I saw what a good teammate my son could be. He was always the kid encouraging his peers, telling them they’ll do better next time, providing optimism in the midst of disappointment. He liked to make people laugh, if he could, and he enjoyed having fun. However, when it was game time, “fun” sometimes included playing on the sidelines with a friend, instead of standing next to the coach, as he had been repeatedly instructed to do, so that he could be sent into the game at a moments notice.

As a result of “goofing off” during game time, his coaches often became upset they could not find him when they needed a sub. This often resulted in the refrain, “HOWELL!” (no response from my kid) “HOWELL!” (still no response as he is deep in make believe). Then something inaudible from the coach to an assistant as they sent in a different player and the assistant went and gently guided my son to the coach.

After seeing this occur for more than one game, I said to him after a game one day, “Let me ask you a question, son. What does it say on the back of your jersey?”

“Howell,” he said.

“That’s right,” I acknowledged. “That means that each time you step out there on that field you are representing me and your mother. People recognize you as our kid. And your behavior says what kind of parents we are. When people hear you being yelled for by the coach and you don’t respond, people hear your name, but they look over at us. Now, I know you’re a good kid. All I want you to do is show people how good a kid you are by doing what the coach says.”

I am not sure if he got this lesson, or even if he remembers this talk. But later, as I reflected on this discipline of my son, I remembered that as a Christian I, too, am a child of God. You are a child of God. But we must all be careful.  Questions about our character, goals, choices, or values are not about us.  They are about how well our Father has fathered us.  If our life is indistinguishable from the non-Christians’, then we reflect a Father who has taught us to compromise with the neighboring pagans.  But if our actions reflect the teaching and wisdom of Christ, if others can listen to your words and recognize the voice of God, then you will not only be set apart as a member of a distinguishable family, but you will also demonstrate the perfection and holiness of  God – our Father.

It is not enough to be a good teammate of the other Christians around you. It is not enough to have fun and enjoy looking like a strong and able Christian. It is not enough to enjoy the joy of fellowship or worshiping God. Who knows? Maybe, if we are paying attention, standing beside the coach to be used at a moment’s notice, we will hear the coach calling for us and get into the game.

Beyond Suffering or Sin: Pt. 2

/ mhowellw / Leave a comment

I wanted to follow up on my last post with a few additional thoughts. I’m going to put these in bullet points as much as possible, since I am recovering from a minor knee surgery. I hope these condensed thoughts make sense.

  • People who operate from a perspective of reducing suffering can often be easily identified. Their main argument to justify their behaviors is “It’s not hurting anyone, so what’s wrong with it?” We see this argument in many arenas today, from justifying telling white lies to more controversial topics, like abortion, homosexuality, and legalizing marijuana.
  • Those who use the “It’s not hurting anyone” argument seem to operate from a morality that excuses their behavior as long as they do not negatively impact someone else; however, this conveniently denies the negative impact they are having on themselves.
  • Morality, by definition, is acting in accord with a set of principles that distinguish between right and wrong. To state that the highest moral is to “not hurt anyone” creates a false and flimsy morality. It is false because it relies not on an objective standard of what right and wrong is but on the subjective interpretation of your fellow human being regarding whether or not they were hurt, in some way, by your words or actions. It is flimsy because in order for the morality to stand, the statement “I’m not hurting anyone” must be categorically true. In other words, the moral choice can only be supported if everyone is free from harm. But if even one person is harmed, then this system of thought falls in upon itself.
  • This implosion is the expected conclusion of a morality that begins and ends with a creature that has both good and bad within it. Self-destruction is the natural result of a system at war with itself.
  • This self-destructive nature of man is precisely what the people who are trying to move beyond sin acknowledge. That we are a doomed system and any hope for survival must come from eradicating the darkness within us, rather than redefining the darkness so that majority opinion suggests we are not hurting anyone. Such redefinitions only reinforce the delusion that sin does not exist and allows the self-destructive nature to continue.
  • To eradicate the darkness within us, we must receive help outside of ourselves from a source who: 1) is perfect (it does no good to receive help from another self-destructing being) and 2) can provide more than a modified behavior plan. Rather, this perfect being must literally be able to change our nature to be like their perfect nature and provide a system of living that allows us to make clear, objective choices between right and wrong, so that we do not relapse into darkness while it remains around us in our lives. In other words, a morality that is not about removing suffering but about removing sin. A clear delineation between right and wrong that is both true and strong.
  • This is what Jesus offers any person. Not the freedom from suffering, but the freedom within it. Because He has substituted Himself to take the penalty for your wrongs, so that you do not have to endure it, you receive a new, sinless nature. To protect you against the darkness around you He provides a new way of living to maintain and strengthen this nature, and allows you to be a beacon to others, so that they can go beyond sin as well. Both of these gifts, the new nature and the new morality, allow you to live within suffering freely, no longer a slave to it or to the trap of trying to escape it.
  • Which do you desire? To go beyond suffering or beyond sin?